What If...

I had this thought a while back and it intrigued me. What if we stayed with our first loves? Like the first person we actually loved was the person you spent the rest of your life with. That might lead to a few problems, but it's an interesting thought, isn't it? The first person you love might not love you. Would that mean that since you stay with them, they stay with you until they love you and then it's all fine and dandy? And you better hope that the first person you fall in love with is the one you're supposed to be with, otherwise you're screwed. Just a thought I thought I'd share :)

Much love and be free,

Avery

Self Image and My Personal Struggle

Everyone has issues with themselves. I don't care who you are, there is always something you wouldn't mind changing. Whether it's part of your personality or something about your body. I blame the media. The media makes everyone feel like they aren't perfect just because they aren't exactly like the image that they show us. Whether through billboards, magazines, tv shows, movies, whatever. I personally think this is horrible. Everyone is beautiful in their own way, who do they think they are to say we aren't?

I admit, I'm hard on myself. Often. I wish I could say I'm one of those people who doesn't give a shit about her weight or how she looks, but the fact is, I'm not. But the thing I'm hardest on is a certain thing in my past. I just can't seem to let go, no matter how hard I try. I hit a low point in this journey a few nights ago with this vice I can't shake. I could barely believe that the thoughts crossing my mind were actually coming from me. But I wasn't alone. One of my best friends was there to help me. Well, he wasn't actually there, he was hours away at college, but that didn't stop him from helping me. He stayed up with me for a long time, consoling me and reassuring me that I could get through this. With his and my other friends' help, I know I can over come this.

Much love and be free,

Avery

Interesting Photography

Here are a few of the pictures I've come across on We Heart It, FFFFound, and abbysharp and liked enough to share.

The Renaissance

Dressing up, jousting, mead, the royal family, minstrels. That's right folks, we're talking about the Renaissance Festival. I just went yesterday, matter of fact. It's one of my favorite times of year. I've only gone for two years now (well technically I went when I was a baby but since I don't remember, I don't count it) but I still just love it. The whole atmosphere just makes me happy. And since my mom's sisters come out and go with us, it just makes it that much better (not to mention one of them buys me stuff ;)) So, like I said, yesterday we went. It was opening weekend so it was pretty great. We walked around and watched the comedians and belly dancers, ate delicious food, and shopped. We also brought my new dog along and got amused when he met new dogs. So like I said, my aunt gave me money to buy myself something from her for my birthday coming up. So I expanded my rock collection and my castle collection (for some reason I'm a sucker for castles) and I also bought a leather bound journal.

I can't wait until I get one of those fancy calligraphy/ink well pens so I can write in it. I couldn't very well write in it with a normal pen or pencil, that would ruin the beauty of it. I'm planning on filling it with information about the fantasy story I'm writing (more on that some other time). Plot line, characters, cultural history and all that jazz.

If you like the mideval stuff and haven't been to a Renaissance Festival, I highly recommend it. Despite the whole not being historically acurate (according to my history nut friend).

Much love and be free,

Avery

Washing the Dog

Okay so tonight my dad and I washed the dog. Which is always somewhat hard but entertaining at the same time. She doesn't exactly love water. She hates going out side after/during rain so you can imagine how she hates baths.

So first of all, anytime we say the word 'bath' she hides like its the end of the world (which it may seem to her in her little doggy world) and then we have to catch the little bugger which takes about five minutes. Then we have to carry her to the tub. And she shakes. Terribly. Its like she has a motor inside her that turns on at the sight of water. Its sad and funny at the same time.

My dog also sheds like crazy. There are already clumps of hair that appear on the floor moments after vacuuming but it gets worse with the introduction of water. If you happen to pet her during a bath, your hand comes away black with hair.

And she just looks so darn sad during the whole thing it breaks your heart (if you're the type who's heart breaks when they see a sad, wet, shivering puppy dog). So when its all over and done with we practically have to drag her out of the tub and then make her stand still while we towel her off which also catches all the loose hair on her. and when she shakes she gets the cupboards full of hair.

It's quite interesting, giving my dog a bath. I'm hoping the new dog we may be getting will be easier to wash :)

Much love and be free,

Avery

Dreams

I love dreaming. Mine are always so interesting. Well, at least they usually are. I especially like the dreams I have where its the opposite of reality. For instance, last night I had a dream where someone who I am currently not talking to/mad at was nice to me. The rest of the dream was weird but that aspect made it good. Sometimes I like to think my dreams mean something. Like my dream last night. I'm thinking that means that the small feud will soon be over with. I hope so.

Much love and be free,

Avery

Love

Love is a mysterious thing, isn't it? It will hide from you and show its face when you least expect it. It can either make you or break you.

Frankly, love confuses me. You see, I didn't fall in love until the guy was done with me. But then again, who knows if that was actually love? I'm only 16 afterall, who am I to know what love is? I once heard that there are three components of true love; emotional, mental, and physical. Maybe I never loved him. Maybe it was all a scam that Cupid played on my poor heart, making me think I felt more than I did. I may never know.

But I do know one thing. Love is never lost. Just because your first love wasn't true, doesn't mean that you won't find the right one later in life. I'm too young to worry about finding my true love just yet. I'm happy with scoping out cute guys and being my naturally flirtatious self. Others may not like it but frankly my dear, I don't give a damn. I'm gonna be who I want to be and do what I feel like and go wherever my heart takes me.

One thing I want in life would be to find that one guy who loves me for me. One who can make me smile and fall in love all over again with a simple gesture. One that I can grow old with and never lose the flame (like those cute old couples that hold hands). Doesn't everyone want that?

Is it just me or is 'love' becoming so over-used that it's starting to lose its meaning? For instance. A friend of mine said that 'they used to love eachother.' These two people dated for a month and a half and recently had broken up. Now in my book, it takes longer than that to learn to love someone. And you shouldn't use 'love' so freely. It is much to powerful a word to be used so.

Much love and be free,

Avery

Faith

Where to start? How about with my own faith journey. I have attended the same Lutheran church my entire life (which I suppose isn't saying much considering I'm only 16) and the spiritual seed was planted quite young. I basically just took my faith for granted. Then for a year at the end of middle school and going into high school I stopped believing in God. I just didn't think there was anyway that it could all be true. I can't remember what exactly brought me back to the church but I eventually started to grow in faith again. There are a few major events that have helped me in my faith. The first is TEC. TEC is a religious retreat here in Minnesota that is just such an amazing experience that you just feel so damn good you never want to leave. The other events are mission trips. I have been on three myself. Two to reservations and one to an urban site. Being in such a different setting from your normal routine and seeing how others live and helping them and just spreading God's love is such a great thing. Both TEC and mission trips renew my faith and help me grow.

Now, I am still working on what exactly I believe. So far I have decided that (now this is only my opinion, here) first, there is a being (such as God) that made the universe and our planet and all that jazz. But I also believe in evolution. There is too much evidence to deny that in my mind. So I think that God made the world and sparked life and what we know today all came from that lucky single cell that God blessed with life. Second, I'm having trouble believing all the stories that are in the Bible. I mean, some of them are pretty far fetched, aren't they? After all, the Bible started by story telling (if I learned one thing from Confirmation, it was that) and we've all played the game telephone right? So we all know how things change through word of mouth. For all we know, all the stories in the Bible are super exaggerated. Lastly, I have recently (just now actually) decided that God is working through us. I used to believe that it was people believing God was there that made good things happen. Now I'm starting to think that he is doing his work through us.

Now that I have explained all that, it's time for me to explain my views on religion as a whole. I do not understand why everyone is so bent on their religion being the best. After all, they are all basically the same. To me, they all have the same basic points. They just differ slightly in the details. And it's the details that everyone gets caught up in. They don't really matter in things like this. But for some reason, the human race finds fault in things they don't agree with. Why can't everyone just get along and be happy?

One last point I would like to make before signing off. It intrigues me that all the creation stories are so similar and yet some are more believed than others. Take Christianity's for example. Adam and Eve and the Garden of Eden. It's just a story that someone made up that was meant to answer life's great question of why are we here. Which is what every creation story is. A way to think that we know what happened when really, no one knows.

So, always remember that what I put out here is only my own opinion and I'm not trying to force my beliefs on you. Take what I say or leave it.

Much love and be free,
Avery

Why I'm Here

This last week I was on a mission trip through the organization YouthWorks to the Northern Cheyenne Reservation in Montana, specifically the small town of Lame Deer. For those of you who do not know what a mission trip is, I will explain. A group of youth, led by adults go to a site and do God's work and spread his word. For two days you work with children in the community and for two days you do service projects such as painting houses. Each site has four leaders who are generally in college.

In Lame Deer, one of the youth leaders affected me greatly. His name was Jordan. At night, there is a time called Club where we sing and reflect on the day and just rejoice in God's world. Also, Jordan would talk. If Club were a church service, this would be the sermon. The theme of YouthWorks this summer was Free, and Jordan talked about what that meant.

He told his story and how God helped him become who he is today. He talked about letting go of the things that bind us. I have something that I can not get rid of, no matter how hard I try, it stays with me. The mission trip this year helped me a lot with starting to let go of that thing. Maybe I'll tell you about that some other time, but not now.

Anyway, back to why I'm here. I feel like I need a release. Somewhere to put all of my feelings. I have many strong thoughts on many things and I'd like them out there. If others want to read, they're welcome to. If not, thats fine with me. I really don't care. I'm keeping this blog for me, not others. So if you want to follow, feel free. I'm flattered.

Much love and be free,
Avery